Thursday, July 28, 2011

Womanly Bits.....

Some women seem to swing off the trapeze of life, open their legs, pop out a baby, secure it, while completing a triple-pike dismount and land safely in the nets with baby attached to breast. Me....not so much.

Pregnancy number 1 - Blow up to the size of a mansion, reduce to a commission home and wait 10 weeks in hospital for recommended caesarean section.

Pregnancy number 2 - Made an Angel long before its due date resulting in D & C.

Pregnancy number 3 - Smooth sailing...not quite beleivable that it was going so well, got to the end totallyshittingmyself that I would have another disabled child or angel.....elected Caesar.

That was 5 years ago.....

Today....Uterus has packed it in. Its cracked the shits and decided to give up any form of a pervious life. Diagnosis Adenomyosis treatment Laparoscopic Hysterectomy and I AM READY!

I've been kindly reassured that my playground will still be in tact, just the swings will be gone. I'm good with that, swings make me feel nauseous anyway. I can live without swings but I'm too young and feisty for my playground to go missing in action!

So...3 weeks from now I'm going in for running repairs on this womanly body of mine so I can get back into life. OH...and the bonus...I get to keep my ovaries. (They're looking smashingly good apparently!)



To My Darling Husband Dave,

I am soooooo deeeeeeply sorry I gave you a Vasectomy for your 43rd birthday, it seems it wasn't necessary........I love you for doing it for me though!

Your LOVING wife. Leonie xx

29 comments:

HAZEL said...

I can never understand those women who 'don't feel like a woman anymore' after a hysterectomy. It is as if they see themselves as a womb on legs...take that away and there is nothing left for the legs to do. You will be fine and dandy after this and have years of fun in the playground! *hugs*

Tas said...

Every bloke needs a vasectomy for a birthday present I think (my hubby even forgot that he had one so I don't consider him scarred for life)

Hope all goes well for you. I am dealing every other week with the fallout from 3 natural child births. You'd think evolution would have done better by us by now.

Becky said...

Will be thinking of you and hope that everything is routine and as easy as it can be for you.

And that sounds like a birthday gift I could get for my husband...!

Earthy Spice said...

I had a complete Hyster 2 years ago (at 45). After a couple of years pfaffing about, trying different things, living on pain killers ect. It was the BEST thing I could have done. I still marvel every day that I'm not always in pain! It'll be fab - and buy a white dress!!!! Good luck, Jo

Shelley Cartoons said...

Leonie, your sense of humour is a wonderful thing!
From here it looks like a good boat that keeps you (and your loves) sailing well. And you keep us laughing.
Hope the playground renovation goes well.
PS. Going by other comments, you're clearly found some common ground. My swings are pretty dodgy too-it's a major reason I'm not going for no.3.

Sannah said...

Lovely humorous post on something that has such a serious side. I wish you all the best for the op in 3 weeks, hope it is as smooth as possible.

Sarah said...

pleased you are in a positive frame mind for it lovey...

I will be there one day.

LOL about DAve - dont tell Michael!!! We cannot let him get done but we want hi to get done but don't want more children - go figure!

Maggie said...

love your euphemisms! laughed at your post and the comments. good luck.

Karen said...

All the very best for your upcoming surgery. You have a wonderful sense of humour. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Naturally Carol said...

I created an angel in the same way as my number two as well and after number five had the same running repairs you are going in for. I haven't looked back..me and my ovaries don't miss periods AT ALL! Loving life without the bits! All the best for your op.

Liam's Mummy said...

Good luck. I hope your recovery is nice and quick!

Cath @ chunkychooky said...

I just started reading this post and felt a pang for your pregnancies and then pissed myself laughing at the swings reference read to chef who was appropriately alarmed at preganacy number 2 ( needed to explain what you meant to him) and we both giggled at the swings. Glad the playground will still be open for business. poor Dave- bloody good effort though- credit where its due. hope all goes well darls. love the photos -you are a scream!!!

Miss Prudence said...

Yet again you reframe something to a new level. Love it!
Photo is just perfect too.
Good luck with your recovery and envious of your pending freedom from "ladies problems" ahem!

I look forward to your next post! take care L, sending you lots of good wishes and care xxx

Jodie said...

have you got some people nearby who can help you once the swings are gone ? you know, with lifting, housework and other boring crap...?
There are months I wish my swings were gone...

**Anne** said...

Goodness Leonie, you've had more than you fair share of stuff happen!! Wishing you all the best for your upcoming op. Playground, now that's a new word for it... :)
Take care,
Anne xx

CurlyPops said...

Crikey somedays if you can't laugh, then you just cry.
Wishing you a super speedy recovery!

Baa-Me Kniits said...

Oh those lucky ones who swing on the trapeze....but I wouldn't have changed any of it for a second and have two lovely healthy rambunctious (is that a word?? Hubby said I made it up! its not in spell check but that doesn't mean anything...) boys for the effort :-)

Good luck with removing the swings, just stay away from any roundabouts until you have well recovered....love the playground analogy!! LOL

LOVE the accompanying photo too! I bet you don't make half as much fuss as a lot of the males of the species do when having the SNIP!

Copper Patch said...

Take very good care of you Leonie. I hope it is all trouble free.
Abbe

Anna Bartlett said...

As a visual person, I'm still in awe of your first sentence. You're living quite a story, my friend. Every best wish for the op, thanks for expanding my medical knowledge with your links, and seeing as I gave my husband (Dave) a vasectomy for Christmas two years back, I totally get your gorgeous apology. Don't think I'll be looking at the swings in the actual playground the same way again though...

mel @ loved said...

My hubby would love the vasectomy birthday present! I don't know why I won't let him, hmmm I'm 'pretty' sure I don't want to have a 4th child..& at 40...Good to know you'll still be having lots of fun in the playground though! Hope all goes brilliantly Leonie! xx

Maxabella said...

Be thinking of you, L. You and your husbie will match! x

Sally said...

Wowza. It sure has been a ride hasn't it. Wishing you all the best for a straightforward procedure and a quick recovery. Take care dearest Leonie.

Andi said...

Hope the surgery goes well.
Be sure to have lots of help around you afterwards.
Even though it's laparascopic, it still messes with your insides just as much and you still need to look after yourself and take it easy!!!!
Pain meds are your friend!
xx

Suse said...

You'll have a whole troop of wellwishers around the blogosphere in three weeks time. Make sure you take it easy!

katiecrackernuts said...

Wobbly bits. When they're good, they're good, when they're bad they just gotta go. Bless 'em all, and you. Hope there's a fine cup of tea and a serious helping of cake at the end of it all for you.

Amy said...

oh poss. glad you're getting your bits sorted out.

although that uterus of yours gave you an abundance of hell over the years - show it some love before it goes. It served you well for your two little free radicals.

my mama reckons a hysterectomy was the best thing she ever did.

xx love ya.

Alisa said...

My aunties swings are gone and she says the playground has never been better. Big hugs!!

Gina said...

I'm laughing and crying at this post. you are so hilarious Leonie, partilcularly when it comes down to the serious stuff. Bless you!

m.e (Cathie) said...

now how on earth am i supposed to go to the park again!!

seriously, hope you are back to your old tricks soon.

you are awesome Miss Leonie, just awesome (and so is Dave, I bet he doesn't even need you to apologise)